Many self-help books offer six easy steps to happiness and enlightenment. This approach may work for some—but it can often be disillusioning and disappointing. Rather than promising a quick fix, my book Pathways to Stillness offers a way to approach your journey that helps you to find a pathway that "fits your life". The stillness stories in the book offer examples of how I—and others—have discovered stillness and have come to regain the sense of "our story" in the midst of life changes, including many forms of loss—whether through illness, career, or relationships.
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Whatever your choice of practice—meditation, Tai Chi, Yoga, Kirtan or other—it is done for itself. It is the present moment that matters, the journey not the outcome. You may experience boredom, restlessness, or deep peace and insight—appreciate them all and keep going. I was once in a meditation class where the teacher asked the group how they could know for sure that they had experienced a successful session. One person talked about light, another about a feeling of communion. Then my wife Liz said—the fact that it is over. The teacher responded, “there is a wise person—you stayed to complete the session”. If you practice with no expectations you will not be disappointed
My wife Liz, who is an artist, came up with the title of this post. A trompe l’oeil gives us the illusion of depth where none exists. Current circumstances suggest that—what you hear is what you get. When I listen to those around me, I find that these times of great unpredictability and harsh sentiments create emotions of confusion, frustration, and anxiety. However, if we look deeper, these conditions also invite us to look inside for our ever-present inner peace and stillness. We can discover and explore our unique pathways to stillness. Your pathway may or may not be a spiritual or religious practice—it may be a stillness refuge found in music, a garden, coffee shop, or other. It may also be found in the companionship of a good friend—or in reaching out to another in compassion and kindness. I invite you to learn more about taking this journey in my book Pathways to Stillness.
Thank you for hosting the book signing for my book Pathways to Stillness on Feb 25. Westminster Books is a very comfortable and friendly setting. You feel relaxed when you enter the store and want to linger indefinitely, or sit in the comfortable chairs in the back of the store. It is a stillness refuge. The shop is located on Queen St. in Fredericton NB.
An important lesson that I share with the students in my class—through Tai Chi philosophy and practice—is the importance of letting go. My students live, as we all do, in a culture of control, achievement—we feel we need to measure up to an external standard. In Tai Chi you cannot progress unless you learn to yield, accept and follow. There is strength in softness, gain in loss. It is okay to fail as you learn. The objective of the art is to relax and find stillness in your practice and in your life. For many students this perspective is new and I always observe heads nodding in relief and agreement. It is also a major reason why the course works in enhancing stillness, once embraced. (Read more in my book).
The students in my class mainly learn a seated Tai Chi programme, which I designed for special groups. However, we do several sessions of regular practice so they have the full experience. The course emphasizes the health and meditation aspects of Tai Chi, but I do show them a few of the martial art applications of the movements—so that they are aware of that part of the art. Students also write a reflection paper discussing their experiences in the course over the semester. I am always very grateful to be teaching this course when I read their comments— many say that this is their first experience of stillness, that they sleep better, that their level of anxiety has dropped significantly. Some students also say that they have started to remember a movement or two when they are under stress for papers or tests—and it helps them a lot! (Read more in my next post and in my book).
I teach a course entitled Aging and Tai Chi to undergraduate students at St. Thomas University. The format for the course differs from most courses in that it is not only information or “thinking mind” material that is shared. In addition to examining scientific research on the positive effects of Tai Chi and studying its philosophical roots, students practice Tai Chi during the semester. In the beginning they are nervous, as they have never been asked to participate in anything like this before. However, as the semester progresses they clearly become more relaxed, and often say that they look forward to this course because it allows them to experience stillness in the midst of a stressful week of school, work, and so on. (To be continued in my next post).
You grow, learn, and find meaning, ordinary wisdom, and stillness through stillness practice and through your lifestory. However, the restorying journey does not involve simply choosing a better story to replace the old one. Also, new meaning does not come from forcing yourself to think positively about a troublesome situation. In fact, I agree with the statement that positive thinking can become a prison.
Your life as a story is made up of thoughts, emotions, and actions or behaviour—that is, how you think, feel, and act. It may be possible to change your thoughts about something, and there are techniques to help you try this approach. Yes, positive thinking is one of these techniques. However, the effort it takes to maintain this attitude may become exhausting, as with such challenges as chronic pain, for example, or an addiction. The problem is that you are still attempting to control or fix the problem, as your thinking mind scrambles around to find a positive solution. In addition to this, it is a prison in the sense that you are either a winner or a loser, depending on how successful you are in keeping up the program. In contrast to this, a stillness approach, such as restorying, suggests that you first get out of your thinking mind, step back, and try to see the larger picture. In this way, instead of fighting or denying the particular change that has occurred in your life, you make room in your present story for the change that has occurred, or that you want to occur. It is about finding new meaning in your whole story, not just attempting to fix the broken part. During this season emotions become more intense for many of us—joy, love, happiness—but also anxiety, sadness, loneliness. I know I can experience some of both the highs and lows in the same season. It may be helpful to allow and accept these emotions as they come and go. One way to do this is to find a stillness practice or refuge as I call them in my book. Whether it is a relax-into-stillness Tai Chi movement, meditation, prayer, coffee in a quiet café—alone or with a friend— this stillness practice can bring you to a place of peace beyond the turbulence. It can also bring more stillness and presence to the positive part of the season.
Thank you to Chapters in Fredericton. I had a great book-signing event on Saturday. There was a steady group of shoppers who visited my table and shared some soul-talk about “Pathways to Stillness”. I particularly enjoyed the conversation with folks from The Netherlands, my favorite European country, and the chats with friends from St.Andrews, who were shopping in the big city for the day. A big thank you to my wife Liz, for being there and helping with the setup— and to my very good friend Geoff Slater, for taking the photos. I like to think that lingering over a book on stillness in the shopping mall might help to bring some balance to an otherwise hectic season.
The Daily Gleaner, October 2016
Gary Irwin-Kenyon finds solitude in waking up early and taking a bike ride with his wife down to the ocean in their hometown of St. Andrews, where they sip coffee, nibble on breakfast sandwiches and savour in the sounds of the water. “It’s how we can find peace or meaning in our lives in the midst of a pretty crazy world,” said Irwin-Kenyon. In his book he writes about the importance of finding stillness in the middle of a busy schedule, a passion he’s had for quite some time. “For a long time I’ve always wanted to write a book that just spoke to people more directly,” he said. “I feel like I have something to say about how we can approach our lives to find more peacefulness.” In his book, the St. Andrews author offers a collection of stories from people discovering stillness through different activities such as painting, exercise, hiking in nature, talking with friends so they relax into stillness or simply enjoying a cup of coffee at a local coffee shop. He said people often get caught in their everyday lives and forget to make time to recharge. “In our culture we tend to think we can fix everything and control things, find an expert to give you the answer to something,” he said. “We tend to forget there is such a thing as an experience of quiet and stillness in the centre of our own life story. We tend not to pay attention to that because we’re too busy.” “Dr. Irwin-Kenyon is not just an expert in his field, but is also a wise communicator. His professional experience and writing talent have combined to create a guide that is useful and relevant to regular people in their everyday lives. So many of us often feel overwhelmed and anxious,” said Christian Jensen of FriesenPress, Irwin-Kenyon’s book publishing company in Victoria, B.C. “Dr. Irwin-Kenyon’s book offers a clear path to restorative stillness.” Tai Chi philosophy tells us that human life itself is yang energy, meaning that it is a stressor. Tai Chi is yin energy because it attempts to balance that stressor by receiving, accepting, and neutralizing. Tai Chi involves a giving in, but by no means does it involve a giving up. It is not resignation but acceptance, which means that you attempt to follow the situation until it can be brought to a balanced or healthy conclusion. You are asked to blend with the oncoming force, meet it, follow it and, eventually, direct it. You try to not interfere with the momentum of the force, whether physical or emotional. In other words, do not push the river. I continue to learn and practice this pathway to stillness with Sifu Martin Kennedy at Wu’s Tai Chi Chuan Academy in Fredericton New Brunswick.
One of the gifts of the experience of stillness is that you can embrace your life more as a journey. You may become less fearful about not knowing what is around the next bend. Your journey can become more imbued with curiosity, wonder, and more life—you can come to appreciate meandering or wandering along life’s pathways. There may be less need for “Six easy steps to wisdom and immortality”. Rather, you may feel free to create and discover your own pathways, drawing from the ordinary wisdom, both within yourself—and in those around you. In the coming entries on this blog you are invited to explore pathways to stillness that fit “your” life.
There is really only one thing you need to do to begin to find more meaning and peace—just show up!11/22/2016 Stillness is an experience, not an idea. Sometimes you need to do something, or sometimes you need to do nothing. The way to stillness is through calming down, quieting what has been called the “monkey mind.” In this Blog, as in my book, I invite you to simply show up and let stillness happen. Stillness finds you more than you find it. It has its own rules. Nevertheless, you can create conditions that will make it more likely that you will experience stillness. Like electricity, you do not need to understand stillness to experience its benefits. It is mostly about showing up. The payoff is that you may find rest—and a gentler, softer connection between you and the world around you.
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Pathways to Stillness BlogMy Blog is about how you can discover your own Pathways to Stillness, and why that is so valuable to your life. We will explore what it means to lose and regain our sense of “our story” in the midst and aftermath of loss—negative beliefs about aging and how we can make them more positive, and the many benefits reaped by creating a refuge of stillness within.
January 2024
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